Darling the monsters are more than internal
Darling the blackness; my thoughts
Darling I'm afraid that if we take off these unicorn heads we'll have to start playing pretend
Darling there is a dead body in the bathtub
Darling the clouds are not for us to devour
Darling what if I painted my lips with black glitter?
Darling remember the time I told you I was a murderer in disguise?
Darling the body now bones
Darling why is it so hard for you to understand me?
Darling even my best friends don't understand me?
Darling even I don't understand myself?
Darling my mother kneels at night and prays for my mind
Darling your black heart a swamp a crushed tissue box a tongue in a glass box a TV left on; blue light; artificial reality: a want made real through squeezing eyes + fists
Squeeze those eyes squeeze those fists, bitch (This isn't Kansas, this is South Bend, Indiana.)
Darling I love you
Darling fuck you and your featherstone heart
Darling I know I'm a fucking paradox and my inner complexities are the holes in your wall and the reason you bought a motorcycle, but love me, anyways?
Darling LOLZ jk, I don't need your love. I'm a motherfucking feminist.
Darling this is the climax of a story with no hero
Darling I'm trying to stop the whispers from seeping into the veins of my hellhole heart
Darling don't think for a second that these feelings swirling in my mouth are cotton candy
Darling believe me I tried swallowing, but they remain
Darling believe me shooting fish does nothing for your general health
Darling I pulled the words from my teeth and placed them in paper lanterns and placed the paper lanterns into the river and watched them float and flow and disappear
Darling these songs are haunting me
Darling you are in the eyes I see when I look in the mirror
Darling I am sorry I hopped on a plane and flew half a country away
Darling I'm scared to return; I'm scared of the tangibility of change
Darling I know I've always struggled with acknowledging reality, but even I can't keep imagining you.
Anna Lei lives in London.