Art by Dorothy Howard & Words by Mike Bushnell

Basic Bitch Gospel

I watch your network pulse long after my router is disconnected

Oh trivial insults and how I have earned them

How I will earn them from myself for the rest of this

Work is insane

There are so many politics and I struggle to keep moving forward

I act out of desperation everywhere

The new movies come and go

And I had forgotten that when you love someone like this

It never leaves you

I will feel you for the rest of my life

Somewhere in my bones

I knew the truth oh well

Life is something that wears clothing chasing after adventurous nightlife

I don't care

The pollution rises between me and the skyscrapers

I see the same things everyday and you are one of them

I have a heart in a distant castle protected by dragons

My heart has a horn and makes the sound of hooves on cobblestone

Life is a boxer with taped hands dipped in broken glass

The 100 year bar fight

3000 birds lift me out of this life

And drop me

In the lonely

I am finally home

Washrooms at dawn

Oven cleaner sprayed to remove this filthy buildup

Everywhere I look you are staring at me like a pinup

And some days I want to give up

Holding flowers wrapped in paper covered in blood

Someone stands in the hallway asking for some help

And I do the same

Only I am in my room

And I beg silently

Staring at the wall

With pure horror

Life comes like a dinosaur

And it has colorful feathers

To distract from the claws

Sometimes I can just go

I can pack up everything and leave your life immediately

Some days I linger like the singer in the park

I am a knife in the troubadour spine

I just dimming my way to nothingness

I had one real chance and then I had another

Read me

I am a message

That will self destruct

In five four three two one

Zero degrees while the frost creeps

I touch the metal with my tongue

Just to get stuck to something

For a while

Bring the hot water

After a while

Right now

You can't pull me from the railing

And I like that

I had not moved in so long

Part of the pain is moving again

Looking at all the garbage I have accumulated as I focused on the one

And nothing else

And I lost myself

By creating new neural pathways

That mimic yours

Just to feel your nature

When you're gone

Goodnight sweet

I woke up and you kissed me

Then I woke up and told you about it

Then I woke up next to boo the dog

Then I woke up floating in an escapists tank of sweat

Then I woke up alone tangled in the sheet

I don't know what will happen if I say your name

Three times

In the mirror

Will you appear

And give me a hug

Whatevs everyone is just struggling

The world is a complicated jacket

With sewn pockets

Gotta blade

I stare at the escalator

I move fast through the crowd

I plan my fantasy football lineup thoughtfully

Because even though I usually lose

I really want to win

Just as bad as anybody else

Dorothy Howard lives in Brooklyn, NY  Mike Bushnell lives in Queens, NY

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