Ricky Garni

An episodic roux brought to you by The Honeymooners, Mr. Lucky, Hazel, Meet Mr. McNutley, Oh! Susanna, Our Miss Brooks, The Twilight Zone, Leave It To Beaver, Astro Boy, The Real McCoys, Make Room For Daddy, Outer Limits, Father Knows Best, Mr. Ed, Ben Casey, My Mother the Car, The Addams Family, Lost in Space, Honey West, The Mod Squad, My Favorite Martian, Green Hornet, Batman, Family Affair, Candid Camera, Mr. Terrific, The Wild Wild West, Diff’rent Strokes, The Rifleman, The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis, The Time Tunnel, The Bionic Woman, Love American Style, That Girl, Chico and The Man, The Girl from U.N.C.L.E., The Flying Nun, Get Smart, Fantasy Island, Gidget, Have Gun Will Travel, Green Acres, Alfred Hitchcock Presents, Petticoat Junction, The Man from U.N.C.L.E., Sea Hunt, Colombo, Then Came Bronson, The Living Doll, Nip/Tuck

I would like to change this botanical garden into a playground
one that would not disturb the slumbering giant into wakefulness
like the man who wants to commit suicide because he can’t find
his wife and he doesn’t know that she’s already dead
“But what about,” you ask, “the cryogenic machine used by the sphinx monster?”

While reading about a swan named Princess Lollipop
I stole a dog named Smiley that never smiled
scarcely noticing that the man who claims to be my father is:
1) running for president and 2) not my father
it’s my fault: I love to read, and I hardly stop to notice things since
that awful nuclear explosion.

Sneaking a sip of Mama Garcia’s bean sauce
its magic makes me want to give Louise a kiss
in my ice cream store, fabulously successful magically so
which surprises no one but irritates Eddy and Lumpy
Still: I do not fear the jealousy of Eddy, of Lumpy,
one touch of my antennae, the tiniest touch
and poof
Come to me Louise

My wife will never understand me
or my matador financé, Antonio
I comb and grease my hair
I coo at the parrot, which I hide
before I write love letters aloud
and leave them in cookbooks
for her, or should I say, them
did I mention also that I dream
about a certain pin up girl and
Mary Ellen Rogers, who cha-chas tomorrow
my wife will never understand
them but still I love her she utilizes
the great powers of the universe
the secret powers of the universe
the gentle soul
with violent thoughts

Ricky Garni is a graphic designer who moved from 105 Fidelity Street Apt B-17 to 105 Fidelity Street Apt B-35 and is still suffering a little from culture shock: "The areas seems the same at first, but there are nuances in the languages that differ in subtle ways, and you have to be careful what you say, especially with the elders of the village in this region." Mr. Garni sighs. "I don't think I will never get used to slurping my soup or the way they treat animals over her. Sometimes I miss the my old life…"


  1. What doesn't irritate Eddy and Lumpy? Nice and slippery these. Was "Mr. Terrific" the show about the librarian superhero?

  2. Ricky Garni, can you email me? alinajg at gmail dot com

  3. Dear Rupert,

    Alas, no such luck. Mr. Terrific was a gas station proprietor that would take a government-issued super secret super hero pill that would allow him courage, mighty powers and flying ability for...one hour. The show lasted for about a season, and then I think that everyone was paying too much attention to Sgt. Peppers and the Summer of Love to pay much more attention to Stanley Beamish.

  4. Dear Alina,

    Message sent to your address–