Mike Topp

- What famous actress is Larry King?
- Is intuition what I think it is?
- How many monkeys even own typewriters anymore?
- Who was the first interstellar candidate for Bronx borough president?
- What animal is found only in cyberspace?
- What is the key ingredient of frozen ginger ale salad?
- How come there's only one game called Monopoly?
- What could be simpler than the gift of a solid gold baby?

Five years ago today, cashiers began saying “No problem” instead of “You’re welcome.”

What r your thoughts on WINDSHIELD WIPERS?
I’ve always wanted one, off and on, since a friend got one (from his aunt) in high school. Well, just as sure as death and taxes, I thought of them again yesterday when it was raining. Here’s a drawing I did of the one I want: /

Mike Topp lives and works in a large Eastern metropolis.


  1. Once again, Mike Topp proves his grasp on that old three-headed beast: genius/silliness/love of humanity. I cannot wait for his next book to come out. If there were more Mike Topps in the world, it'd be a far far better place--I'd probably even have a job. Keep up the good work, Mike!

  2. Mike Topp should write a book! I would surely read it, and probably even buy it.

    I, too, have wanted windshield wipers, on and off. On and off. On and off.

  3. "How come there's only one game called Monopoly?"

    Classy. Classic.


  4. I cannot wait for this book to come out, so I will busy myself with less significant tasks until it is ready for purchase. At which point, I will buy many, many copies. I'll probably tell people about it and quote passages from it to impress my friends in the hopes they'll think more of me. Until then I'll have to settle for the cartoons in "The New Yorker".

  5. There are more Mike Topps in the world, @evan. I've seen them. Toppless. Driving with the Topp down. Baseball cards. Pun-dits. Pandits. Bhoston Bhramins. Cups upon cups of noodles. carbs. Topp wears the ramen perm; he's got the look. The Robert Palmer of his generation. "I told you not to call me that at work" (Nut'n'Honey). "Wm. Berger's Castle of Quiet." Castle of Otronto. White Bounce Castle -- Black Bounce Castle. Dark Castle. Rainbow flavour. Shitty War. Is Mike Topp British? Or American? Or Armenian? Armenian Army? Armenian of One? Party-menian. Pram Science. Where's Mike? Who ate all the Mike? Mike's a Faulknerian, right? He's Big Southern. He's a rapper. Mike Topp. Right?

  6. We need more from this guy. Half the time the booksellers are sold out of his books, and the other half of the time he's too drunk to write them. He's hilarious, I don't know why he's not huge, doing book tours, topping the Amazon lists, doing Oprah, unless it has to do with that jail thing, or the drinking. Very funny man. There are very few authors I'd bother to fire up the torrent machine for, but he's one of them.

  7. Some of them I get and some I don't and I think the ones that I get are good and the ones I don't get are bad and then I think maybe the good ones are the ones I don't get and then I get anxious.

  8. Publishing Genius is releasing a book by Mike Topp in August. It's called SASQUATCH STORIES.

    Thanks y'all.