Remember when I said, “this poem
makes you look fat?” Me neither,
you beautiful little corn muffin.
It looks like no one’s going to win
the Oscar this year, so I’m thinking
we dedicate this one to James Franco,
as well as the other mother fuckers
who didn’t bring enough pumpkins
to the white people party.
I know those two cars are parked
too close together, but there’s
enough room in my heart to fit
900 of your best bicycles. So
down’em, sweet thang—ain’t nobody
give no shits about your back taxes anyway,
besides maybe my mother, and definitely
that guy with the bow tie who might as well
be the Michael Jordan of your W-4 form.
And the thing about that guy is that guy,
he fucking cares man. And I do, too.
Mark Cugini edits Big Looks Bucks and wrote I'm Just Happy to Be Here.