12/2/13

Scott Daughtridge

Synopses for Hardee’s Commercials

  1. A man with combed over brown hair, wearing glasses and an argyle sweater is sitting at a kitchen table eating a large salad. Another man, muscular and baldheaded, wearing a tight orange shirt tucked into a pair of orange cargo pants with a pistol secured in a holster over his shoulder, walks into the kitchen, throws the salad bowl across the room, screams loudly in the man’s terror stricken face and walks out. A woman with blonde curly hair and large fake breasts in an American flag bikini walks into the kitchen holding a Hardee’s bag. She removes a Super Bacon Cheese Thickburger and slowly unwraps it before she grabs the back of the man’s head and smashes the burger into his face, shattering his glasses. The woman then straddles the man and aggressively licks the blood and destroyed burger from his face.
  2. A shirtless twelve-year old boy with hair gelled into a spike is sitting at the same kitchen table from the previous scene. The American flag bikinied woman is rubbing the boys shoulders as he eats a Buffalo Blue Cheese Thickburger. Ketchup and meat juice are smeared around the lower half of the boy’s face and some has dripped to the table and the floor. There is no plate, nor are there any napkins to be seen. The bespectacled man from the previous scene walks into the kitchen and is startled to see the boy and the woman. The boy looks at him scornfully and says “pussy” with a heavy emphasis on the p, spitting mayo and bread from his mouth onto the man’s shoe. The man, who is possibly the boy’s father, hangs his head and walks out of the kitchen.
  3. A still shot of a massacred family—a dad, mother, son and two girls—in the kitchen from the previous two scenes flashes, followed by a clip of hard core pornography. Then an image of the Monster Thickburger topped with fried onion rings and barbecue sauce leaking over the sides. These three clips rotate in very fast succession—half a second each—for a minute and forty-eight seconds.
  4. A gray and a white pitbull are locked in a savage, bloody fight in a pit surrounded by cheering onlookers, who are all eating the Original Thickburger—some with cheese, some without. On the floor of the blood- and spit-splattered ring is a large Hardee’s logo. The gray dog is bleeding profusely and its eye socket is badly damaged, but she is able to lock onto the throat of the white dog and drag her over top the smiling Hardee’s star. Once the white dog stops moving, she is released. For winning the fight, the gray dog is fed four Original Thickburgers in a gold plated bowl.



Scott Daughtridge is a ghost.

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