Steven Trull


There was this long silence where nobody said anything and we just sat there staring into space. The space was everywhere, like, all around us. So, the space made us feel, I don’t know, just kind of spacey, like we were there and there was, like, nothing but space. So, there we were, I guess, like doing nothing in the space that was all around us. And I wanted to do something that I like to do when there is nothing. And, so, like, I wanted to say something to Crystal. But, when there’s all this space, it’s sometimes hard to say something. So, I leaned, to over, into the Crystal. And I tried to nudge her with something, but I didn’t know what it is. So, I said to myself that was inside me I don’t know what to say. And Crystal, it was cool, cause she didn’t say anything. It was like I wasn’t even there. Like I was sort of nothing, I guess. And I went back and I thought about it for a long time. Then I stopped thinking about this for a moment. And then I noticed the moment got longer until I realized that we were just sitting there not doing anything. I didn’t know what to say. So, I just sat there with Crystal and I didn’t say anything for a long time. Crystal was all quiet. Like, I was somewhere else, like, not even there. Which is cool because there was all this space and I don’t know where I could go in it. So, I just sat there with Crystal. Things got weird. And then she looked over at that thing and she said: So, what do you want to do?

It was funny cause the space just kind of took it and made it go away, like, whatever she said just sort of disappeared into the space and this made me sometimes forget it, if, I have all spacing, out in the space. So, I said something like: What? And, I don’t know, there was this long time, like when nothing happened. Like, we were sitting there and she didn’t say anthing again, and I sat there, like, all wondering about stuff. And so, I thought about it, like, it took me forever, but I said something Um, I don’t know. Just kind of like, I don’t know, nothing. The space was back there, like it was all around us in the space of stuff. And if you looked around you’d see stuff, but it was just apartments and things like trees and other things and this made me feel like there is sometthing to do, like, with all these things you could like do something other than just stare but because there was also all this space in the air that was kind of weird too. So, I thought about it a long time, like, all just sitting there in the space place and I said: Um, so, like, what do you want to do?

And the Crystal she said nothing like for this super long time and the apartments just sat there all around us except there weren’t that many because there were these little trees that were all little like someone just put them there and some parked things like cars and a super black van. And I stared at them. And Crystal said nothing for a long time, and then she said: I don’t know. Like, how about you?

And then we both sat there, like, we weren’t even waiting for anything. We were just sitting there, like, I don’t know, not doing anything. And then it got really long. Like it was so long that it was hard to say anything about it. And then she kind of said: Do you want to get some weed? And I said: Oh, yeah, I already got some. But then I said: How about some food? She said: No. Like she didn’t even have to think about it. I told her: I think Donald’s almost home from Burger King. I mean, I think he might have some pills. And then there was this long thing that made us almost forget everything, like she stared and I looked around at stuff and then I kind of forgot that she was there and then I started wondering about things.

Steven Trull (b. August 8, 1974, Anaheim, California) lives in San Francisco, CA. DEATH TO WHITEY is chapter one of his soon-to-be-finished novella STARE.