Matt Rowan

Money To Be Rich

I get money to be rich again. Whenever I run out of money I go get money to be rich again. If you want money badly enough, you just have to go out and get it. Legally. You go out and you get it -- but legally. It also has to be gotten “not the easy way.” I may not know what the “hard way” is, but I know what "the easy way” is according to them and how not to do it. I know how not to do it the easy way and how to do it the hard way.

What you do to be rich is, if you’re doing it the hard way, is, if you are also legally minded, is you go to your big safe. You go to your big safe and you, and here’s the tricky part, you, and you need to have a combination, you use the combination, say it’s 1-2-and lastly-7, and I’m not saying that is the combination to my safe, and you go into, walk inside, that now-open big safe and you take out money, or you take out gold, or you take out the jewels, and you can turn those last two into money, and that is how you get money to be rich again: you go to your one big safe, not the smaller ones, and you get money, gold or the jewels.

And you take that money and et cetera and you buy things. I’ll tell you. Like one thing is the doctors who will be paid to remove the tumor from your nostril or nostrils, as I have had. Or to support your exotic sharks and their robust eating habits.

After this you may need more money to be rich again, but now you know what to do.

Matt Rowan lives and works in and around Chicago, IL. During his free time he edits Untoward Magazine (, which he'd love for you to check out sometime, if you've got a minute or two. Previous works have appeared in Metazen, Jersey Devil Press and Bartleby Snopes.

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