I like tailgating. I mean, I like drinking in parking lots,
I mean, before a show or a game and a little bit during,
or at home in the bathtub with Oprah on.
I like drinking from a plastic syringe
or from an inflatable pool toy.
I feel self-conscious about drinking tequila from a baby’s bottle,
but have done so while riding a mechanical bull.
When I drink, I am more likely to call a psychic,
and have generally received good advice,
such as to use the speaker phone
and fix myself a drink.
I once won a vacation
from a random fax
and I am still on it
and refinanced my house.
I like salsa
and there are a lot of different kinds
including some that don’t contain plants
and I like taffy
and everyone brings me taffy
but I’m just one person
and there’s no reason to be alarmed,
I know when I’ve been had,
we grow too late wise
and I’ve been through too much
It’s my freedom, not yours,
and it’s not worth it
for some farm tools
to put around the kitchen,
what is this a farm
or a shipyard
with a heavy emphasis on farm animals
but a slight infusion of zoo animals
and some animals that I don’t think are at the zoo
like cats. Imagine how hard it would be
to keep cats at the zoo. It seems impossible.
I’m sure they would get out. My cat would get out,
because you cannot stop my cat, you can only hope
to contain it with something other than a zoo, like
an old school bus.