Megan Boyle

from LIVEBLOG

What are you working on right now?
Last year after a period of feeling directionless and uninspired, I decided to start a liveblog of my daily thoughts and activities to replace the vacuum where it felt like they were taking place. I thought if other people could read about what I was doing I'd think more about the consequences of my actions, or at least feel less alone. From March to September I updated it pretty much daily and it became this 375k word thing I'm currently editing into a something about half its original size. I don't think it's a novel but I don't think it's a memoir. It's a liveblog. A book about a liveblog. The book will be called "LIVEBLOG," Tyrant Books is publishing it November 2015. 

[Excerpt]

what if that was my spaceship and i missed it

would be funny to buy a cop car and just like, drive it

for a long time i didn’t know why people would say ‘it’s not a tumor’ in arnold schwarzenegger’s voice and i’d say it too

knew i’d be sad when the bagel was over

someone should name their dog ‘june 5, 2006’

superintendent said ‘she’ll come when you call her, i know how cats are,’ smiling the generous smile of someone who does not know how cats are

woman yelled into a phone about not knowing where she was

when will he return, it’s been minutes since i’ve known how tall he is

there’s no way i would’ve known what to do after i invented the toilet. there would be no toilets today if i had invented the toilet

removed necklaces before doctor’s office to look healthier

ignored vanilla-scented girl due to her ‘extreme seeming to look at me’

i’ve been sitting in this chair longer than some of you have been planting corn

mom said ‘maybe he’ll say it again on his own and we won’t even have to ask,’ i said ‘we can dream,’ mom said ‘they can’t stop us from dreaming’

mixture of mild rhetorical amusement and apathy about ex-boyfriend’s maybe serious annoyance at me

not trying to be whatever but i just noticed how the word ‘alone’ is situated in ‘capital one bank’

man on TV in a butler outfit said ‘i want to please lady mary,’ extending and retracting his hands several times, palms facing upward, as if holding invisible melons

when i wear it i feel like an imposter but i don’t know who i’m pretending to be

flicked lighter and pictured spark catching my hair on fire and this car scene suddenly turning really ‘metal’

why is alvie licking the bed, you ask? because alvie knows how to party

reversed car just in time to inconvenience person behind me

‘ambulance’ sounds like a word that would mean something about a quality of light. ‘the inspiring ambulance of oprah’s colon,’ for example

i’m in rhode island. haha. what am i doing in rhode island

used to think i could increase probability of airplane landing safely if i’d listen to weird al or other unrealistic music to die to

alex trebek makes these little comments he probably assumes will be ignored, like ‘the nineties: a decade not far away from now’ and ‘trout: that’s the fish’

there’s no way to know if a person is really asleep, everyone could be pretending

he ended his lizard story with ‘so you gotta trade in your lizards sometimes, it’s alright’

wanna know a surefire way to spook a cat? wait for them to pee on your bed, then rub baking soda on the pee. gets ‘em every time. spooked to high hell

mom said ‘this has happened before, with the…noise,’ sounding like she was struggling to access the default emergency broadcast system alert for her channel

wish there was a pause button for when you want to be dead for just a little bit

it doesn’t make sense to call some hours ‘a.m.’

often seems irrelevant to acknowledge differences between my reflection and other things in room

some people know how to operate helicopters by the time they’re 27

ran over a tree, seems okay

voicemail message began ‘it’s nicolle, from callahead? the port-a-potty place where you applied to work yesterday,’ as if this was something i could’ve forgotten

lost interest in pizza again but there the pizza was again

the oldest living NBA player should be the sole commenter on all games

my daily double would be ‘this period of your life was characterized by consistently good feelings.’ i’d write ‘what is [crossed out] ‘june - october 2005?’’ alex trebek would say ‘sorry, no, ‘trout’ is the answer we were looking for. trout: that’s the fish’

at first mom didn’t like my furniture rearrangement, but by the end of the phone call she was saying ‘it really does make more sense for the bed not to be in the kitchen’

there has been a time when this library has contained the highest number of people who have killed someone

man ahead of me in petsmart line said he wanted his dog to ‘remain masculine’

i wasn’t thinking things like ‘time’ yesterday

did i mention that i have been given two lamps

the punchline is usually funniest to the person telling the joke

walt disney ate dog food during a rough period in his twenties, i read earlier. hard to find more information on this

statcounter in real life would just be people staring at each other

nodded and tried to exude ‘i understand that you have said something about a better alternative to your van situation’

bugs probably don’t know when they’re indoors

asked superintendent about naming new kitten. he said ‘we left it at a relative’s house and when we picked it up it was ‘gary’’

in 500 years people are just going to type like ‘e;oiweu w pwe sdsp lp;l brbr’

drove without a plan in the direction of what felt like home

Megan Boyle is the author of selected unpublished blog posts of a mexican express employee (Muumuu House 2011) and various things online and in print. She lives in Chestertown, Maryland and has a website with more information: http://meganboyle.org.