Colin Winnette

Baby Cheetah

In the past they sold baby cheetahs at this very zoo. In order to be in anywhere near the kind of headspace I am in while writing this, you will need to find an online video entitled Baby Cheetah & Dog Best Friend. Having seen this you will know exactly why I’ve decided to stay in Washington DC. I will work odd jobs until I can afford baby cheetah. I will buy baby cheetah. I will video tape baby cheetah rolling around with grown up slop dog and post the video online and delete any comments that don’t read like I have done the right thing in this situation. And when someone opens a nearby door, and baby cheetah lunges, I will follow wherever baby cheetah goes. I will run as fast as baby cheetah runs. I will jump fences and hedges, dodge trees and people and keep up with baby cheetah because baby cheetah was expensive and I worked so hard for this expensive thing. Baby cheetah will likely lead me to a cave. If he allows me, I will enter the cave with baby cheetah and set up camp. We will be alone there. There will be no one else. We will stay for a long, long time. We’ll eat my legs first. And then my sides. We’ll eat my arms, my cheeks. And when he starts to lick my forehead, I will look baby cheetah straight in his wild baby cheetah eyes and say, baby cheetah, we may have gone about this all wrong.

Colin Winnette lives/writes in Chicago, Texas, Vermont and between. He is always online at, where, among other things, you can find links to more work.

1 comment:

  1. I love this story! It reminds me of "I'm being swallowed by a boa constrictor," a song I have sung many, many times.